Is there any hope?

Is there any hope for me? Am I even sane?

Along the road of life I have lost so many things did I also lose my brain?

Is it wrong for me to want something more? Someone I truly trust?

Or am I condemned to hell, in this life and/ or the next, for my sins  and shame?

Or should I just deal with everything that goes wrong and take the blame?

This is typically the time of year I fell better, almost normal

This year not so much. Is it really because I am so horrible?

I don’t believe in fairy tales, but need a magic wand

To fix myself, my issues, lots of things… then maybe with someone I could bond?

Should I simply fade into the darkness all around?

Or could some miracle solution really be found?

Is it simply that I’m sick in the head?

That would explain why most days I find it very difficult, although I rarely sleep, to actually get out of bed

Who, or what kind of monster, have I become?

It is not the me I once was, probably because of the evil things I do, or have done

Watching myself wither away

Physically and mentally day after every single day

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