Does love really measure up?

One of the bloggers I follow Jennie Saia wrote a post titled “Measure your life in love”. I would definitely suggest reading this, if you haven’t already. She has a great way of writing! I understand the point she is trying to make, however I do not think it is as simple as she makes it seem. There are way to many feelings involved in any relationship for them to be simple. For instance, if one person in the relationship has always chosen to stay where they are, but over time their feelings get crushed and hurt so many times that it is no longer possible for them to love. They just choose to stay to providing comfort and stability for all involved. There are also the inevitable “what if” scenarios. What if one person is supposedly trying to make things better, yet continues to act, treat, and portray others the exact same way. Sometimes people are where they are, and with who they are, simply because it is the best the can do. It isn’t a matter of choosing, or not, love. It is simply the facts of their life lead them where they are. For many, the choice of love was lost or sacrificed along the road of life. I recently watched  The Prizewinner Of Defiance, Ohio. If you have read the book, or seen the movie you know my point. If not, basically this woman suffered many years, and multiple types of abuse all just to try and give a better life for her ten children. It was as simple as that. I guess in a weird way she was choosing love. Not for her abusive husband, but for her children. I guess if we break anything down far enough it comes down to a choice to love or not. I just also know that no matter how simple we try and keep it life is very complicated. Each action has a reaction, or as I like to say each choice has a consequence. In general if we make good choices good things happen, and if we make bad choices we also have to deal with those consequences. Even this is complicated though. When we have to make what may be a bad, or debatable choice, maybe we had no better options. Sometimes we get stuck trying to decide the lesser of the evils. For me, I don’t think I can really measure my life in love. Mainly because like any other system of measurement I really never measure up to the “average”. It is basically a convoluted mess in which I usually have to take, overall, the best of the worst and ride it where it may go. If nothing ever measures up, how can love?

measure up


5 comments on “Does love really measure up?

  1. Delusia says:

    i love jennie saia and her blog. if you follow her long enough, you find it hasn’t all been easy shakes for that little chickadee, either. i’m off to read her post, now, having not done so. but my first thought is that perhaps the beginning is loving yourself. actually, come to think of it, perhaps that’s the ending, too.


  2. Jennie Saia says:

    This was an interesting take on things, and I’m both sorry to hear that you feel like your options aren’t great, and glad to know that you seem content with the choices you’ve made.

    I do want to say, though, that my post wasn’t about choosing relationships. It was about choosing love, and I think those are two very different things.. Staying with someone who beats you or verbally abuses you or steals from you… whatever the case may be… that isn’t love. It’s actually more like choosing fear.


    • gijoefun79 says:

      I understand your perspective. The question still remains what if someone chooses fear of the relationship out of love for children involved? We all have our “fears” or barriers that are at least very difficult to overcome. We all also have different circumstances surrounding our choices. Any easy choice for one may be a tremendously difficult and vise versa.


      • Deanna Herrmann says:

        I agree with your initial statement that it isn’t easy and sometimes there are other factors involved. This is true. But I also think in this example that you point out, the “love” is misdirected. Having been in an abusive relationship, I can say, I would love my children and get them the hell out of dodge. Whether the abuser hurts them or not, you set an example for your children by choosing fear and showing them that this is a normal relationship. And if he hurts them too, then how is it love? I haven’t seen the show or read the book you’ve referenced, but I’m a social worker who has worked with children and families and staying never has anything to do with love. Just my two cents on your thought provoking post! 🙂


      • gijoefun79 says:

        I generally understand your point, and will just let it be with one more point. Sometimes what is the easy, obvious, and possibly smartest decision for one is the hardest, least likely, and dumbest decision in the long run. For me personally as hard as it is most of the time if I actually had the strength to leave I know I would probably never see my kids again. I love them too much to do that to them. Plus sometimes I can at least mitigate different situations, which I could not do if I left.


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