Today, and the last while, I feel almost completely useless. This is not necessarily a new feeling for me, but I thought I had been doing pretty well lately. I think it is mainly a combination of messing some various parts up at work lately and the fact that I seem to be running around in circles trying to get my race car ready for the upcoming season, while actually getting nothing accomplished. No matter what I try to do I cannot seem to get anything right. Some days are harder than others and I wonder why even get out of bed to get it started off. I always do, mainly just because it is more complicated than what I feel like doing. Although I try to do things I always seem to screw them up or am just another bump on the log.
I know it is not suppose to be easy, but I went from doing ok… to having a hard time with day to day life quicker than I can actually recall. I could go on and blame a bunch of other things if I really wanted to. It is winter after all in the Northwest which means lots of rain, cloudy days, and just enough cold to make my legs hurt badly most of the time. There is also the pain factor, personal difficulties that also seem to be getting nowhere no matter what I do to correct them, and my own personal trump card PTSD.
I am not really looking for anyone to really listen to this jumble, sympathy, or a solution. I just have not much else and been trying to come up with something to write. I guess I just feel useless. Not much else to say other than that.