circumstances, choices, or luck?

                I know that most people tend to believe the theory that luck is all about what you make out of your own circumstances, or we create our own luck whether good or bad. I used to be a subscriber to this theory, but after the last few years I have to disagree.  It all realistically started before then, but that seems to be the easiest place to pick up from. I had been doing construction for a little over a year. Working as a mechanical insulator I was insulating heat ducts, water pipes, and grease ducts. Things seemed to be going pretty well when I got my first big solo job. I would be responsible for doing all the mechanical insulation on a new job that was two ten story condominiums on the waterfront downtown.  Although I had, in at least some ways, known that my body was and is slowly deteriorating in front of me, this job really forced me to re-evaluate my current conditions. Most days I would get home from work and sit down on the couch and would usually just stay there till the next morning due to the pain levels I was experiencing. I even went to the doctors on numerous occasions and ended up doing physical therapy for almost a year, until they finally gave me my own TENS unit. Between all the doctor’s visits at the VA other veterans were helping me learn the ins and outs of the bureaucratic system that is the VA. They had taught me that since I had recently gotten my disability rating reviewed and it was now above 30% the VA would pay for me to go back to school to do something different.  I did and met all of the requirements for vocational rehabilitation. Kind of luckily for me this was at the time construction was taking a drastic downturn. My boss had no problem with me wanting to only now work part time. He even said “If it wasn’t for you going part time, I would have to look into laying somebody off.”

            Where the heck was I headed with this story….?!?!?

I worked hard to get my associates degree in CAD/ CAM. It took me three years to get that stinking two year degree, mainly because I was working full-time the first and the last year. I took one job, mainly because I was finished with school full time and would soon be losing my stipend. Worked there, and learned every machine in the shop fluently, for about two and a half years. Left when a chance for more stability and better benefits came along.

            Still not sure I am headed in the direction I wanted to originally!?!?

Time and time again over the years no matter what I try to do to make things better or easier, it only ends up getting more difficult and I seem to be failing at more and more challenges. I simply do not know what to do anymore. I guess I could boil it down to choices. I choose to join the Army, which lead to the training accident that has since left me currently 70% disabled and watching myself struggle more and more every day. I could say it was the circumstances life brought upon me. Such as every time something half-way decent happens at least two bad things are sure to follow shortly. Or perhaps it does boil done to sheer luck and there is no true way that we can make or own luck. If this was the case I would have made some good luck at least once, correct? Whatever it actually is no matter what I do to better myself, my family, or life in general it always seems to be one step forward and two steps back. Sorry this was so drawn out and confusing maybe I can make more sense of it all later. Till next time. Joe

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