Quit trying?!?!

How can anyone actually determine when it is time to quit trying?  I know there are all kinds of differentiating factors that go into this question, and they vary greatly based upon each individual, but is there any actual way to answer this question for ourselves?

                After over the last six months of trying or at least I thought I was, to make things better with my wife and I, I was informed this last weekend that I have quit trying.  WTF! Have I changed? I think so. Is everything ok? Probably not. Do I still have work to do on myself? Sure! Don’t we all? It is just so hurtful to have work hard and basically gotten nowhere. The story of my life I guess. One step forward, then two steps back seems to be all I have accomplished  for the better part of the last two decades, and not just in my relationship with my with. For instance, about six months ago I took a different job. It seemed to be at least part of the resolution to a few contributing factors. Where I had been working had recently been through two rounds of lay-offs. They came to us and said they either had to come up with some creative solution, or lay more people off. Their idea of a creative solution was to send a few of us out to a different company to try and do something they were calling “job sharing”. We were going to remain employees where I was, but we would work for them and they would basically cover our hourly wages. After spending half a day there, and going through an over hour long interview we later found out that the legalities of it would not work. Questions like who would cover workman’s comp and other issues arose and the “work sharing” fell through. This along with other factors led me to simply apply at the company they sent us to. I was offered a job that although a minor step back seniority and rank wise was about $2 per hour more to start. It was a swing shift position which added another 8%. I took it thinking it would help close some of the gaps financially and that the swing shift would “keep the reign on me tighter” so I would have less free time to “screw things up.”  This new job, although better overall, seems to sometimes make “life” harder. I chalk that up to the simple fact I am basically on an almost opposite schedule as my family.

Maybe it all boils down to the possibility of the fact that I have given up. I don’t think I have completely, but sometimes I wonder why am I still holding on and trying. Maybe it would be simpler for everyone, and cause a lot less pain if I did give up. Then I could come to the realization of my many problems, and perhaps even come up with some resolutions. This would also allow less pain to be inflicted upon others by my words, actions, or feelings. At the very least it would allow for me to get out of the boat with Pete and Re-Peat, and perhaps end this struggle with one step forward two steps back.

Just in case you have never heard this one:

 Pete and Re-Pete are in a boat. Pete falls out. Who is left in the boat?


Pete and Re-Pete are in a boat. Pete falls out. Who is left in the boat?


Pete and Re-Pete are in a boat. Pete falls out. Who is left in the boat?

Re-Pete. Ok three times should be enough. Till next time. Joe


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