a topic I shared on another website called “Just need to vent, rant, go off”

Ok, I guess some background would be a good place to start. I am a married 33 year old 70% disabled veteran who served in the Army as a tank mechanic from 97-05. Ft. Lewis, WA Buedingen, Germany (Deployed to Iraq with 1st AD April 03- July 05).

I guess I am just really frustrated at life right now. No one in my life seems to even try and understand what I am going through or what my opinion is. All that seems to matter is whatever suits them, or what they want. I have worked hard every day since I was 9 to get to where I am today. Although my wife says she is thankful for how hard I work for the family,(she has not worked since right before our son, who is now 12, was born) her attitude and actions toward things tell me something else.

We were renting a small house out in the country while I was laid off for a year and trying my hardest to finish college and get my associates degree. She would say how hard I was and had worked because we were surviving on $2,000 a month of income with a family of four. Yet she always complained how small the house was, how she hated being so remote, how long it took to get somewhere, and on and on and on…

I graduated college a year ago. After working through some of the major medical debts I was able to purchase what I am hoping is our “forever” house 5 months ago. Now after 2 years of working 100-120 hours every two weeks, work has slowed down to where they had cut our hours down to 80 every two weeks. They also just laid off 8 people, and things do not look much better in the near future.

I am just tired of people and life in general beating me down. I couple months ago I started having more issues with my PTSD and life in general. I started self medicating with alcohol. This only lasted a month at the most and I realized I could not do it this way. I am now going back to a counselor at my local vet center. A week or so ago my wife’s “mentor”/ friend came over and chewed me out basically because her dad was an alcoholic and ruined part of her life. Am I an alcoholic? Yes, and will be no matter if I drink or not. Was I ruining life for my wife and kids? No. I never crossed any lines anywhere close to abuse or anything close to it. Were they concerned about my drinking? I would hope they were, I was using it in the wrong way.

Not sure where or how to end this… thanks for taking the time to read this. I know it is confusing, but such is life.

 

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